I have lived in Ward 32 for over a decade. I had been planning on entering politics when I turned 60, but a certain incident rapidly accelerated that timeframe. After Rob Ford said the word "pussy", I witnessed Councillor Mary-Margaret McMahon either feign or actually experience a live on-air nervous breakdown. At that moment I felt that I had a duty to displace this weak, ineffectual, spineless bag of nerves.
Mary-Margaret McMahon, aka "Marxist Mary", was elected NOT on her merits, but due to the ABB ("Anyone But Bussin") Campaign launched after the Boardwalk BBQ Pub corruption scandal. Based on my conversations with scores of Ward 32 residents, those who voted for Marxist Mary did so as a blind protest vote, in lieu of delving into her qualifications. They are now experiencing deep regrets. Many are displeased with her obsession with Rob Ford's profanity and what he does on his personal time (which is HIS business), rather than concentrating on assisting her constituents.
They also cite her lack of substance on crucial issues that affect the ward. Even her Twitter feed is packed with shallow, obsessive minutia that does not do justice to the REAL issues affecting Ward 32. And when she haphazardly stumbles upon a legitimate issue to fight for, she advocates for that issue in a timid way. Or she ducks her responsibilities by passing the matter off, or as we used to say in the Canadian Armed Forces, she DND's ("Delegates And Disappears").
Marxist Mary allows everyone outside of the ward's
constituents to STEAMROLL OVER HER (that includes real estate
developers). She is obsessed with manmade global
warming (which is a myth), riding on bicycles with gaggles of
like-minded broads, and boasting the virtues of farmer's markets
serving up "local" produce (most of which I suspect
is purchased at the Food Terminal by scammy grifter
vendors then sold to the naïve public at grossly inflated
prices). She has done a dismal job of representing the
interests of both her constituents and the businesses in Ward
32. She is in over her head and should instead stay
at home and bake cookies.
On the other hand, like Rob Ford, I have an OBSESSION with
derailing the gravy train. However, unlike Rob Ford, I
have excellent communication skills which allow me to clearly
explain exactly where the gravy is flowing and how to stop
it. I speak in an eloquent, bombastic manner which will
ignite the masses and subsequently move people to rally behind
me in this gravypocalypical battle of biblical proportions. I am
sickened by the waste at city hall. Residents know from my
"infamous" history that I am not afraid to speak my mind, and
that I will do everything in my power to promote my
constituents' agenda, LOUDLY AND WITH MASSIVE MEDIA
Furthermore, Ward 32 is primarily CHRISTIAN. Marxism is the enemy of both Christianity and Islam. Marxists want to destroy or warp Jesus' message. I will be pursuing a "What Would Jesus Do?" morality test toward civic decision-making. I want to be both ethical and compassionate. Jesus DEFINITELY would not give taxpayer money to homosexuals to have a parade. He would love them the way he would love any person born with a disability, just as he loved the lepers. If I asked City Hall for money for a "Straight Pride Parade" featuring floats of topless ladies giving hairy, out of shape men back massages, whilst serving them Greek coffee and hand-feeding them grapes, our politicians would not have the same enthusiasm to open and empty the public purse.
In addition, I will forgo the approximately $105,000 annual
salary of a councillor. I neither need the money nor do I
feel that any politician should be paid for giving back to his
community. I am honoured to volunteer my time to benefit
our community. However, I am also leery of putting the
$105,000 back into the general coffers, only have it turned into
gravy that does not benefit Ward 32. Instead, I will ask
that the money be redirected to create 3 positions, each paying
$35,000, to be filled by people living in my ward.
These 3 people will be intelligent, resourceful individuals who are presently unemployed, yet are able to prove to me during a vetting process that they harbour a strong desire to lift themselves out of poverty. I will split Ward 32 into 3 sectors, with each "Sector Captain" fielding concerns of constituents within his respective sector. If they cannot deal with a matter at sector level, then they will escalate it up to me and Jesus. I will only seek election for one term (just enough time to clean up the gravy-laden mess). When I leave Ward 32 for federal politics, you will have one of 3 seasoned Sector Captains to choose from to replace me!